Tea and a scarf

 Good Morning. 
I am sitting here with my hot tea and a scarf. I can barely hear. My face hurts. Its raining and frankly I am over this whole thing.

It sometimes is really hard to be thankful when things are in the negative. Its like a bank account how do you be positive when you are in the negative.

I have put off going to the drs. And I  will tell you why.


When I was 13-14, I had Whooping cough. A doctor misdiagnosed me so I was being treated for Bronchitis and Asthma. Tons of inhalers yet no medication. I had it over a month and lost 17lbs...I was a small pre teen so that number was large.
The inhalers damaged my lungs. Whooping cough damaged my lungs. My breathing sucks. And I am always afraid of being diagnosed with something I do not have.

Second. I was in the ER when I was about 17ish? No 16ish. I had cut. Yes past thing. We do not need to step into that whirl wind of background. The dr who was more worried about me mentally which is not his job he was not a psychologist that he didn't notice until the third stitch that the nurse never came in to give me numbing stuff. He asked me then if I could feel the stitches and I nodded. The look on his face was priceless. Am I wrong here? Should he have not asked me FIRST before entering the first stitch if I had got what ever that stuff is called to numb that area? FYI I did meet with a specialist that same night who sent me on my way because she understood my mind set was half normal. Thank ya.

Third reason I went to the ER last year with pain like you would not believe. x50 times worse then child birth, which I have done twice. I had bruising. BAD bruising. Open wounds that I had no idea where they came from. They pretty much said "I don't know" and told me to see a "regular" doctor. Um Regular? Then what the mushrooms are the Dr's here? Irregular? 
So I did and thankfully he knew somewhat what he was doing and sent me to a dermatologist who DID know what she was doing and looked at me and said "How did you tolerate this pain for so long?" My answer was clear "I didn't want to seem like a wimp" She looked at me rolled her eyes and told me the best thing ever. "No such thing. We are all made differently for different reasons. You should have gone in the 3rd or 4th bruise ago" Oops.

But really I don't mind Drs. Its the waiting. My anxiety does not do well with waiting. Walking in to people watching you from the waiting room. Not to mention all the germs!

So anyway, I go Wed for an appointment. =/ I have two ears that ache off and on. Can barely sleep on them. One that is so blocked it has put my hearing to a 65% range. Hopefully its nothing too serious.

I am sitting here on this dark and dreary day. With a head cold. Feeling like poo. Got almost nothing done. I have to head out two more times today. My anxiety is through the roof.
And I couldn't figure out how to be positive but then...

I am sick so I am alive.
I have to go out which means I have a car.
I have to go out to get my kids from school...so I have kids who are getting a good education.
Nothing is getting done but that means I am relaxing so I won't be so blah for when my kids come home.
Its raining but not snowing. I do not have to shovel rain.
Its raining so that means the temps are not that low.
I can hear the rain outside not in..so I have a sturdy roof over my head.
My house is messy because we all ate.

I think right there I have a lot to be positive about.  I saw something similar on Facebook the other day. I loved it. I wish more people would look at life this way.

Happy Monday all.
?Raven?