Susie Home maker Died.

Shocker I know. 

I have always wanted to be a mom/house wife. I hung clothes up in my room on yarn I stole from my moms craft room. I had a gazillion dolls. I use to cook stuff for my dad. Greatest part is, he ate it! 
Then I became a teenager and I was anti-kids. I realize now that was because I was seeing an image I did not like. Picture perfect homes. 
I knew my kids would not be perfect.
I knew I would get lazy. Well not lazy but just fed up.
I knew I was not a baker.
I knew that aprons DID get dirty no matter what advertisements from Betty crocker tried showing.
Then I had kids. I soon killed off Susie the home maker. Well not all together.
I'll be honest, I'm a cleanaholic. But I am not perfect.
I can not paint worth the world so my house needs a good touch up.
I am not a friendly mom in the morning like Mrs.Cleaver was.
I kinda sorta okay I yell.
I frequently pretend I am on a beach somewhere...alone!
I already know I will be no help to my kids when it comes to school projects.
I have not cleaned the top of my fridge in months.
My bed is not currently made. 
^^ That is now annoying me.
I HATE and I do mean I HATE putting away clean dishes. 
So where did little susie the home maker go? What changed.

For starters,I knew NOTHING at 5 yrs old about life. Apparently I knew nothing at 6 or 7 yrs old either.

I have gained 25lbs since high school and I tend to be lazy. Not gross lazy or where anyone would accuse me of it but I know I am
.
No one told me  that I would not be the perfect mom. I told myself SILLY lies when I was younger. "I won't yell" "Yelling gets you no where" "I will laugh at spills and drawings on the wall" "I will read to them every night even though I am tired"...
No one told me that after the 100th time of scrubbing those cute little drawings start to bug the crap out of you and time outs start happening. No one told me how expensive life was so that little spill on the nice couch is NOT cool. Must hide that from company. No one told me that sometimes your mouth goes off before your brain and you yell almost not even knowing you did yell. And your patience is so thin from realizing although your kids love you they refuse to love you enough to clean up their messes. So that causes more yelling. No one told me that with some kids the 1.2.3 does not work.

I let my kids eat in the living room . Man I always thought I would never let that happen.

I also as an adult seem to think if I am not perfect people will assume I am a bad mom. Dumb moronic thought.  If I could put that aside the little baker me who is okay with flour all over her kitchen might reappear.
Maybe if I realize that smiling mom in the kitchen with the screaming kids around her and super woman were really just a hoax to confuse us....I would be more relaxed and not perfect but maybe a little more like the person I wanted to be when I was 5.

I know I am a good mom. Even though I seldom put cute little cut like dinosaur sandwiches in my sons lunch box. Okay I have never done that. Even though the dishes stay stacked up till I HAVE to put them away. Even though my floor gets washed once a week. I know I am a good mom even though I clean my kids rooms because its faster then when they do it and involves a lot less screaming. I might not reinforce my punishments, I might  half dust on days I am just not feeling it. But they will survive.

Of course for how long no one knows. Everyone knows I can not even keep a plastic plant alive...

At least my kids are not alone in this. My boyfriend,gets treated the same way. I forget to pack his lunch. I tell him I will do something then don't. I take all the hot water.
I am that fly in your coffee some days. 
Regardless I know I got this. Might take some time to perfect my parenting. Like when they are going off to college and I have time to think about everything I did wrong.
 I will be a good girlfriend in other ways. Hes allergic to eggs and for the record I have not put eggs in anything since meeting him. Okay a cake once but he does not really like cake. Or at-least I tell myself that.

So as I sign off here and I have no idea whats for dinner,the toilet is not clean,my hair is a mess,my bed is not made,neither are my kids beds,the dishes are stacked to the ceiling,I need to vacuum & I have a few errands I need to run that I will not do. My daughter is laughing and having fun playing "store" with me while I write this. She is healthy. My son is in school,happy and healthy. Probably getting in trouble but happy and healthy none the less. Both have a roof,clothes,toys and more. Both will survive me and my not so Susie home maker ways.

?Raven?