A clean slate with 365 days

I swear this is REALLY when April fools day is.
  December 31st we all start telling ourselves lies. We fool ourselves into thinking we need to change and that we will change.

I am a bit different..which I am sure you could figure that out already. 

Instead of resolutions like "I need to lose 15lbs"  I never do. I have had the same darn 15lbs now for 3 yrs. I said that I would like to eat more vegetables. Pick up some spinach instead of those darn chips!

We sit around and say we will drink less,swear less,fight less,be a better person,no more dating guys with criminal back grounds,we will not be so emotional,we will clean the toilet more....etc.    What ever it is there tends to be more to it.  Or maybe not but they are lessons that we should learn not just change.

How about figuring out what makes you so angry instead of saying "I am going to be more positive". Chances are the first moment we deal with the guy who cuts us off on the road we are going to forget about the promise and resolution we made.  The reasons we are angry need to be addressed. And that does not come from the simple every year time resolutions.

Its great to be all positive about the New Year! Fresh start. You have a slate with 365 days on it that you get to choose what to do with. Every year is a new beginning.
A good reminder is that good change will come to people who want it.

Do it right. Make resolutions that fit,make sense and are more complex. Or like me don't make anything. Just simply say this year will rock and I will make steps that I am proud of.


Then you have the "this year has sucked" and blah blah. Yea it might have. Death. Bad weather. Car trouble. Lost pet. Kids bad grades. Summer time family drama. What ever it may be lets look back at the good. Look back at what you learned. Did you learn that you can not tell your sister in law that her choice in clothing is atrocious? That might have caused that summer bbq drama! Did you learn that your 15 yr old car needed to be traded in? That might have caused the stress that morning you were 3 hrs late to work because it would not start.  We tend to think things are dreadful when really its just life. This year will be bad, good, sad, exciting, nerve wracking, game changing, chance taking type of year too.  They say and I do not know who they is I just know I have heard this.. "With good comes bad. And with bad comes good."

Sit back. Re cap your year. Think hard. Think about what the year has taught you.

This is what it taught me.

1. I am SO glad to not be in the dating scene.
2. My son has a learning disability and that's okay.
3. Patience is an amazing thing when used at the right moments.
4. People want other people to think EXACTLY like them.
5. I am no better then anyone but no one is better then who I am.
6. I can not use a hot glue gun without being burned at least once.
7. I adore my boyfriends family.
8. People will not change no matter how much you know it would be for the better.
9. Money makes things easier but not happier.
10. Vets sometimes care more for the money then the animals.
11. My opinions are important even if people do not like them. As long as I am respectful that's all that matters.
12. I am a pretty darn good cook.
13. I can bury my past.
14. My ex husband should live on Mars.
15. Lighting a candle that's far down with a piece of spaghetti does works!
16. No one is perfect and no one should be.
17. My body could be worse,need to love it no matter what.
18. I need to take a million more photos in 2014.
19. God let me live to see another year. 
20. Family and friends should never be taken for granted.

I am sure there is more deeper things I have learned. But that is the beauty of looking back.

I would like to change as well. And I will. I want to be a more patient calm quiet mother. I would like to be a more tolerable person. I would like to maybe enjoy people more (that's a really maybe). I want to do more with my life. All do time. I realize that. Little steps but they need to be steps I take not say I am going too and never do.
I need to find my ways to accomplish these things.

Everyone enjoy their new year! Get drunk. Be happy. Make memories. Set off fireworks!

2014!!!

Do you really know?

Todays post is brought to you because I have discovered that the majority of the people in my life...Lucky me.. do not approve of stay at home moms. I say mom instead of wife because in this case I am not a wife and probably will never be one.

Do you really know who we are as people? Are you just judging? Are you just assuming you know what its like to be us? Are you jealous and that's clouding your thoughts? I am the stay at home mom. 

I have always been fond of the working mom,a mom that can do it all and work. Awesome!!!! 
I am also jealous. An income. HOW cool is that. To be able to contribute and buy stuff with your own money. To know you worked hard! Amazing.

And if your a single mom and working then I bow down to you. You are my hero. You are your kids hero. And more people should try as hard as you have. Same with single Dads.

Main point though is I am a stay at home mom for a few reasons:

1. I have anxiety and other mental issues. I know I know you automatically think excuse. Let me tell you how my disorders effect my every day life.
I litterally freeze when my anxiety is high. I forget basic math, I forget my birthday...Its a horrible feeling.  
Now many people with anxiety work and one day I plan too... I am working hard to not medicated fix my anxiety. Mine is severe though, panic attacks,anxiety attacks,nervous break downs and anger. When I am nervous I tend to get very angry and aggressive as well. Unless you have been through it with me none of this will make sense and you will care less about it. Especially if you are against stay at home moms. So moving on.

2. Mcdonalds and a grocery store will be the only ones hiring me. I am bad with people and math so that's even iffy. I have no diploma. Thanks to my school and the whole no child left behind thing was not in effect when I went to school. I am not a drop out, I am not a F average student. My school did not give me the credits I needed and told me I ran out of time to get them in before graduation and said tough luck to me.

3.I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom. Enough said. Should be good enough for people. But its not.

4. I do contribute. GASP. I am a photographer. Yup. But again fear of people and life hold be back from getting all the clients I know I could have. But it has brought in some money. I also do blog give a ways and freebies online. Its not my life but I do sit down some days and enter a bunch. We have gotten some neat stuff.  I also know sales,store comparison and coupons.

5. I am a practical thinker. We do not have a $500 dollar game system my friends. We do not lease vehicles we can not afford. We do nothing we can not afford. We are not smokers so our money does not literally go up in smoke. We eat healthy. No credit cards. No debit cards. Straight cash talkers here. I plan ahead. I do a lot of home made gifts. Tag sailing. Etc.

6.I am a VERY protective mother. Runs in the family. My sister is an awesome do not mess with my kids mom and my mom is a if my kids need me I am there mom. I like to be in control of my kids,not other people. Simple.

7.Day care is expensive! Holy mole.

8.I like to be domestic. I am a cleaner,cook,keep things in order,appointment going and animal care taker type mom. Simple. 

 and 9.I am not good at much other. I rock at psychology and after getting my diploma hope to get my degree in it. I am pretty nifty with a camera and hope to pursue that and I am a tom boy so working in the woods is a favorite of mine but other then that..what I am pretty okay at..okay pretty good with is making this house function. I care for my other half like hes a king. My kids come first. My family is my world.

I would hope that would be enough for people. 
Lately though I have heard a few comments about being only 1 income family. its not (enter persons name) fault Rich(my other half) is the only one working...etc.

Honestly I am not the only stay at home mom. And sadly I know some people who are horrible at it. Lazy,messy,selfish...and other negative things but their circle of people are okay with that.
If I was a bad stay at home mom my mother would be right there critiquing every little thing. Actually shes pretty good at doing that now. Thats how I have learned though. My boyfriend would more then likely not be with me and my friends would not have my back. 

I would just love people to be okay with me. Be okay with who I am and what I do. And that's a lot contrary to belief. Us stay at home moms are pretty nifty. Domestically we own this.

We have flaws but nothing like what you people are thinking. For example I am pretty sure Rich dreads every time I say the words "I am trying a new recipe tonight"...

I have no idea what soap operas are on tv..actually I don't have tv. So I know you picture us moms sitting on the couch in curlers and slippers watching Days of our lives(yes I know that one because my mom is a avid watcher and my son is named after one of the characters-Do not judge).

We have our lazy days,we deserve them. Its our vacation time. Society needs to stop making us feel bad about it. I have the right to when my kids are watching a kids movie to jump online and scan for deals.
We do not get paid for what we do. We do not get days off. 

I am one of few it seems that has no idea what a date night is. I have no go to babysitters. My kids have left my side only a few times. 
If my kids are not involved then neither am I. I do not get naps or alone time when Rich gets home even if I am sick. I am not spoiled even though I do not work.

I know this was a pretty negative not funny post but I am so sick of seeing it. I think someone likes me and approves of me and then bam they are making a comment about our 1 income household. Thats not okay. I do not call you a bad mom because you buy your kids material items instead of being there with them. Ouch right? Yea I would never even think that. Yet people have no problem insulting us stay at home moms.

Our 1 income life is a very nice one. And I for one love Rich and all the hard work he does. But thats him. Hes a worker. Staying at home would drive him batty.

We all deserve a pat on the back.

*Raises her glass* To the stay at home moms that get puked on,peed on,get stuck watching Caillou,get no sick time,step in dog doo doo because we forgot to let them out,get asked where everything is and cook meals!

*Raises her glass* To the working moms who get home from a busy day to hear all about the drama from the kids day,to realize she forgot to get dinner,to the couch being chewed by the dog,to turn around and drive kids to practices,to find the hot water has been used and to a man who acts like his day has been tough. 

*Raises her glass* To the single working moms! You are amazing. Strong willed.Smart and deserve happiness.  To doing it all and more. 

*Raises her glass* (I drink a lot) to the working men so the woman can stay home! I know you hear Bill Engvall's joke over and over again when you come home and complain and your other half looks at you and goes "You wanna know what went on in this house today!!!!???" and you shut up.




“You're going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it's always their actions you should judge them by. It's actions, not words, that matter.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Rescue  


“No one truly knows what they will do in a certain situation until they are actually in it. It's very easy to judge someone else's actions by what you assume your own would be, if you were in their shoes. But we only know what we THINK we would do, not what we WOULD do.” 


“I am aware that I am less than some people prefer me to be, but most people are unaware that I am so much more than what they see.”
― Douglas Pagels 


?Raven?

Susie Home maker Died.

Shocker I know. 

I have always wanted to be a mom/house wife. I hung clothes up in my room on yarn I stole from my moms craft room. I had a gazillion dolls. I use to cook stuff for my dad. Greatest part is, he ate it! 
Then I became a teenager and I was anti-kids. I realize now that was because I was seeing an image I did not like. Picture perfect homes. 
I knew my kids would not be perfect.
I knew I would get lazy. Well not lazy but just fed up.
I knew I was not a baker.
I knew that aprons DID get dirty no matter what advertisements from Betty crocker tried showing.
Then I had kids. I soon killed off Susie the home maker. Well not all together.
I'll be honest, I'm a cleanaholic. But I am not perfect.
I can not paint worth the world so my house needs a good touch up.
I am not a friendly mom in the morning like Mrs.Cleaver was.
I kinda sorta okay I yell.
I frequently pretend I am on a beach somewhere...alone!
I already know I will be no help to my kids when it comes to school projects.
I have not cleaned the top of my fridge in months.
My bed is not currently made. 
^^ That is now annoying me.
I HATE and I do mean I HATE putting away clean dishes. 
So where did little susie the home maker go? What changed.

For starters,I knew NOTHING at 5 yrs old about life. Apparently I knew nothing at 6 or 7 yrs old either.

I have gained 25lbs since high school and I tend to be lazy. Not gross lazy or where anyone would accuse me of it but I know I am
.
No one told me  that I would not be the perfect mom. I told myself SILLY lies when I was younger. "I won't yell" "Yelling gets you no where" "I will laugh at spills and drawings on the wall" "I will read to them every night even though I am tired"...
No one told me that after the 100th time of scrubbing those cute little drawings start to bug the crap out of you and time outs start happening. No one told me how expensive life was so that little spill on the nice couch is NOT cool. Must hide that from company. No one told me that sometimes your mouth goes off before your brain and you yell almost not even knowing you did yell. And your patience is so thin from realizing although your kids love you they refuse to love you enough to clean up their messes. So that causes more yelling. No one told me that with some kids the 1.2.3 does not work.

I let my kids eat in the living room . Man I always thought I would never let that happen.

I also as an adult seem to think if I am not perfect people will assume I am a bad mom. Dumb moronic thought.  If I could put that aside the little baker me who is okay with flour all over her kitchen might reappear.
Maybe if I realize that smiling mom in the kitchen with the screaming kids around her and super woman were really just a hoax to confuse us....I would be more relaxed and not perfect but maybe a little more like the person I wanted to be when I was 5.

I know I am a good mom. Even though I seldom put cute little cut like dinosaur sandwiches in my sons lunch box. Okay I have never done that. Even though the dishes stay stacked up till I HAVE to put them away. Even though my floor gets washed once a week. I know I am a good mom even though I clean my kids rooms because its faster then when they do it and involves a lot less screaming. I might not reinforce my punishments, I might  half dust on days I am just not feeling it. But they will survive.

Of course for how long no one knows. Everyone knows I can not even keep a plastic plant alive...

At least my kids are not alone in this. My boyfriend,gets treated the same way. I forget to pack his lunch. I tell him I will do something then don't. I take all the hot water.
I am that fly in your coffee some days. 
Regardless I know I got this. Might take some time to perfect my parenting. Like when they are going off to college and I have time to think about everything I did wrong.
 I will be a good girlfriend in other ways. Hes allergic to eggs and for the record I have not put eggs in anything since meeting him. Okay a cake once but he does not really like cake. Or at-least I tell myself that.

So as I sign off here and I have no idea whats for dinner,the toilet is not clean,my hair is a mess,my bed is not made,neither are my kids beds,the dishes are stacked to the ceiling,I need to vacuum & I have a few errands I need to run that I will not do. My daughter is laughing and having fun playing "store" with me while I write this. She is healthy. My son is in school,happy and healthy. Probably getting in trouble but happy and healthy none the less. Both have a roof,clothes,toys and more. Both will survive me and my not so Susie home maker ways.

?Raven?

Phil Robertson

Where do I begin? Oh right lets begin with who Phil Robertson is..Him and his family have a reality show on a television network that we will not mention because it is currently under fire for taking Phil off the air because of some remarks he made. 

 Before going on. Take a minute to realize it does not matter who said it. In this case it was him. Can you not handle another persons opinion or beliefs? I do not care if Kanye said it or Tom Cruise. Phil R. is a person. Yes a famous,pretty rich person but nothing needs to hit the fan. And I am addressing this topic because I want too. Not because everyone else is. If you take away all of the fame and the face...You still have a human who voiced freedom of speech and who has the right to do so.  He should have realized and might have known he would be under fire because hes in the public eye but when your a down to earth person that does not matter. Honesty matters and he did just that. Continue.

He made these remarks,words,opinion,beliefs,answers...what ever you would like to address them as,kindly,maturely and honestly. 
This is a decent man who was voicing his religious beliefs. This is not a man who was sitting in a interview dressed like a hoodlum showing his money saying "Gays are disgusting they should die"...There was nothing of the sort. This is a story of a man voicing his beliefs. 

A man whose television show is funny enough to cheer just about anyone up! 
But the real reason I decided to sit down and write?

Let me tell you about my morning....
I had just dropped my son off at his classroom,was heading out the door when a bus full of kids was being dropped off.
Well my mama taught me you hold the door for someone..So I did just that...I held the door and held the door and held the door...
Not one kid took the door so I could keep going on..Not one kid said thank you...
I saw two 6th graders holding hands... My old school self almost had a heart attack at the thought of 2 -what..11 yr olds? 12 yr olds? dating!?!?!?!?! 

We start to walk back to the truck,on the sidewalk...and its a rule if your in the way move...because no one else besides the nice teachers and the respectful not in a rush parents and kids WILL move first...
Balancing not falling into the drop off lane where even more in a rush parents are driving up and dropping their kids off is a real work out because heaven forbid anyone makes room on the sidewalk.
I got back into my truck & while waiting for my daughter to buckle,I started to think about Duck Dynasty which is the show Phil and his family have on the air. 
Lets talk about their show.

In different episodes I have seen his grandchildren go on dates,where the rules were set in stone. The parents and grandparents along with a uncle or two address the person they are dating to let them know what is okay and what is not. The kids are above the age of 13...possibly above the age of 16 I am not sure. There is no worry about being the cool parent its all about being the good parent/grandparent/uncle..etc. Doors were held,thank you's were given. No one ignores the door holder.

I hear Sir and Ma'am spoken from the kids.
No one is 16 and pregnant
Prayers are said.
No bashing.
No swearing. 
You see how family should be or try to be. They sit down at meals together. They laugh together. They argue but in a respectful manner. 
It's a nice show to watch. Plain and simple. A good family. Doing things the right way. 

The thing is we choose what to watch. How many ladies have turned away to a half dressed Channing Tatum? How many of our boyfriends and husbands drooled over Jennifer Aniston in the movie We're the Millers.? We are our own people with our own minds that let us decide what we want to watch or not watch. Or what to hear or not hear. We do not need a network banning someone.

I am not Anti-Gay. 
But I live by the first amendment. That is who I am as an American. 
Today we get our feelings hurt to easily. We jump the gun before the bullet is even out of the chamber. We put the cart before the horse. We uproar about what ever we can instead of going "interesting" "But my ___ are different then yours,Want to go out for coffee and a bagel?" and move on with life.
GROW A BACK BONE!
His beliefs might be different, you might not have liked it but look at what good you see on this show. Look at what a good model citizen he is.
We got Kanye being well Kanye..We have Miley wearing less and less clothes and twearking on things she should not be tweerking(I am not in on the new trends so I do not know how to spell twerking) on...We have rap artists who voice about bitches,hoes and mo'money! Our examples in life are not really that fantastic these days. So why shut down a man whose example being his show is doing alright. Is bringing back a little hope. 

Face it my people. We are sinners in many ways. 
I for one lied this morning when I said Good Morning to someone,frankly at that point it was a crappy morning.... 
I lied to my son...told him if he didn't change his pants I was not going to pick him up from school. I know bad mom award goes to me.

And its not even 9am... SINNED. 

We do not ban the SEX that is ALL over the tv and internet. Like really why is porn not illegal? Okay I really have nothing against porn I am just pointing something out. Why do prostitutes usually get a night in jail and that's it? Yet they ruin lots of "happy" marriages. Eh? Cursing is like the new language. Watch some old shows and tell me how much foul disrespectful language you hear. Again not against cursing.
How about some of the reality shows..Do we even need to go there? Lets get knocked up at 16 so we can have a million dollar porn offer. Sounds like an exciting easy time. Really people?
Look at it this way,Phil can not say what he wants but people can abuse kids..abuse animals..have tv shows where every female is drop dead gorgeous..sex scenes that almost never involve a married couple. How about the reality shows with all the fighting. Yea let me tell you buddy if I yelled at my mother or oh my gosh cursed at her...I would not be here writing this and no I am not stealing that off of a FB posting. That is the truth. I would be looking at the world from 6ft under.
I was scared of my parents. Probably the way it should STILL be.
Not the point though, that's another post. This is about Phil. And I am for him.  I think hes smart. Hes done something right to be where he is and to have kids who are hard working married good people and grand kids who are model citizens as well.
I personally have learned a lot from that show. As a mom and as a person.

All I am saying is I would like a few more thank you's from the younger crowds.I do not want my daughter thinking she should look a size 0. I do not want my son to think sleeping with every girl is except able. But I do want them to know freedom of speech and how to not judge people no matter if they are in your corner of beliefs or not. I want them to grow up with a back bone full of respect. Curse at me,your mother and I will lay you over my knee. If someone bullies them I want them to know the truth is what matters not what others think. I want them to understand words are just words from other human beings. They may or may not mean a thing.  I want them to feel embarrassment so they will think of their actions.But yet laugh off a fall or a ripping of the pants moment. I want them to feel ashamed so maybe I will have high school graduates and not high school parents. Yet I want them to know they can come to me and not be judged. They must feel these things by themselves. So much to teach and with the world in the direction it is. That is not easy.


I am still a Duck Dynasty fan and I am still a Phil Roberson fan. But be who you are. If that is gay,goth,tall,short,handsome,loud,smart or purple. Just be it while being a respectful human.

 

I am that fly in your coffee....

Welcome to my blog! 

Its simple,this blog is my random thoughts,opinions and pretty much what goes on in my head. It's unpredictable in there so everyone hold on for this ride!

This is not a personal,vent,woe is me blog but I will let you in on bits and pieces of my life. I hope to make you laugh,think,ponder,laugh some more and most of all enjoy.

I know I will  not be famous off this blog..nor do I want to be... 

Lets get started with who I am...

• I am a divorced mom.

• My kids are 4 and 5,born on the same day unplanned.

• I run a small zoo.... =D 5 cats,2 rabbits,2 guinea pigs and 2 medium/large dogs.

• I am dating a guy 16 yrs older then me. <3

• I am 26 years young.

• My ex husband sadly is not worth the dirt on the bottom of my shoe.

• My son has speech issues.

• My daughter has my attitude.

• I grew up in the country.

• I have a huge passion for photography!

• I still adore the Golden Girls. I also secretly hope to be just like them when I am older! 

• I love to read even though finding time is rare!

• I have this sick relationship with cleaning.... I am never happy with my house...Always feel like its never clean enough!

• I have severe anxiety. 

• I need glasses but refuse to go to the eye dr... Ooops.

• My home has a simple rule..what you say here in it stays in confidence. Respect it and the door will always be open.

• I have an attitude problem and I do not mean that I am a teenager and my life is horrible type of attitude..a real grown up attitude that needs to be addressed every so often so I can come back down to reality.

• I lost my brother to suicide & a grandma to Alzheimer's ..although I have no grandparents left and lost other relatives/friends these two have causes that I fight for very hard. 

• Call me Raven, Its not my real name but its been my nick name since 8th grade.

• I live in a home with a Patriots fan...I am a Steelers fan... FOOTBALL is the BEST!

• I believe no child should be left behind and no animal should either.

• Abuse is for wimps. You abuse anything and your nothing but a wimp.

• I weight lift.

• I am my worst Critique.

There is so much more you will learn as time goes on! I am a pretty open book. I also don't take much to heart. Emotions is not my strong point. Words do not hurt me in anyway. 
Its a roller coaster ride of a life. But its life...I am alive so for that I am thankful. I am blessed,and have what I need. 

I love using humor to express things. Hopefully I do that well on my blog. Hope you all enjoy! Hot topics,Hot opinions and a dash of sarcastic humor! Should be a swell time!

?Raven?