Green Eyed Monster

We are raised to share...to go to each others birthday parties and see other kids presents. We are typically taught how to put on a smile and be happy for other people.
Yet some how when we are older we still become the Green Eyed Monster...

I have 2 friends with two different lives but still deal with people who are jealous. Plain and simple. Jealous of them and their choices. Let me tell you about them. I am sure they won't mind.

One friend,I have been friends with her 10 yrs or so. She works. And she works hard. She has morals.Standards.Love of freedom. She is well off in the financial department. While her other friends,like me..were buying things for date nights and movie tickets. Cd's.Anything fun. She devoted everything she had to a career. 
Now it has paid off. She has decent credit for her age.Money in the bank. A vehicle. A Job. A boyfriend who has his own bedroom(yea, morals my friends) and she indulges in life.
Lets ask her though how many friends she has lost or chosen to cut ties from them..? Many.  All because of comments.

Comments like "You can pick up the bill you have a better paying job then the rest of us" "You do not need to worry you have money" "My kids come first" "Must be nice to eat out" "Why don't you get a new laptop you have the money" EVERYTHING was about her money.  They were jealous. They wanted something they didn't have and because they didn't have it they assumed she would be there to back them up. Pay the bill.  They assumed she has no idea about having kids and responsibilities. Not true. Her responsibilities are just different.

Why? Maybe it was the pay difference and the freedom our friend has OR it could have been the reality that they went down different roads. Roads we feel like we should have gone down too. Only in our minds we make excuses. Her parents are rich. She is smarter then me.  Instead of saying bluntly "I chose another path and ended up differently"


2nd friend does not work. But has a long term boyfriend and family that still helps out here and there. They go out to eat for almost every meal. They enjoy that. Comments fly with them as well. "Oh must be nice" "Man you eat out a lot" "Why don't you work if your not going to be a cook - home maker?" REALLY!?
We are categorizing people? There is only black and white? Work and home maker? Are we back in 1950?

But when I searched deeper. I realized these were people who were her age yet divorced. Living back at home. Had kids young. Etc. It was a camouflaged jealousy.

I, like other friends have had kids. Been married & some are still married & for some of us wrong choices made our credits go to hell in a hand basket. Life happened. It happened in a different manner then a woman who went after what she wanted and was okay with the time that passed. 
That's the part that gets me and I am guilty too. Time. We rush. Must get married,Must have kids,Must have freedom to do everything and anything.


 You can love your life and still be jealous.
I never want to be mad at someone because I don't know why they didn't pay for lunch when I am a stay at home mom. I never want to be jealous of someones 2013 vehicle when it might have problems under the hood. I don't want to have walls up with people because their life is a bit different then mine. We don't all go down the same paths in life. That's okay.

Do I envy Jennifer Lopez's bum and Victoria Beckham's wealth? Yea Maybe from time to time. Some jealousy is normal. =)

?Raven?

Pet Owner

I am a pet owner. I have been since I was born. There was a cat in my crib before I even showed up.

I currently share a house with: 2 Guinea Pigs. A boxer.A pit mix. 4 Cats/5 if my oldest decides to come home,a rabbit and there is a outside rabbit as well.

Mhm. Could be worse. You were expecting more. If you know me you know this won't stop till I'm dead. I will rescue,home,help out with animals as much as I can.

Anyway I have a few things to share. First what I have learned...

1. Male dogs pee a lot.

2.Male cats pee in the house/mark to much.

3.Do not judge an animal because it is shy,think of it when it comes out of its shell...they are incredible.

4. Animals are humans.

5.Getting people to understand your pets is like getting a 1 day old to color and stay in the lines.....

6.Dogs will miss you even if you were only gone 5 seconds.

7.Guinea pigs are amazing for kids.

8. Rabbits nibble on EVERYTHING!

9. Clean cages. Would you want to live in filth? 

 and 10. Animals love is greater then any person can give you. Its. Real.

Now before I continue on to a few other things. Let me properly introduce my animals.

 ^Nakita. She will be two in April. Pit,lab and boxer mix.

 Timber!!! Pure bred Boxer. Year and half,birthday is in August I believe.

 Ivy with the white on her. And Ginger. Their cage has changed a little since this photo.

 Oscar. Long hair and full of personality.

 Bun bun/Dozer/nameless. My daughters rabbit. Born in December.

 Doodles! 3ish years old. Lovely but tough kitty!

 Twilight(not named by me) 7 yrs YOUNG!

 Luna. Oscars sister. Shy shy shy until recently,now she does really well! Loves dogs!

 My big man Frosty. Half Siamese. 2 yrs old.

And Hazel. The one currently MIA. I am sure she was snatched up by someone who thought she was a stray. She loves the outdoors. Very shy. Was a stray at one time. She is 4 yrs old. =)


Just Observations and more from yours truly.

1.SPAY AND NEUTER! Okay not a tip but needs to be done.

2. Flea stuff should be year round not just when fleas are the thickest.

3. Set up what you want to say to people. I really appreciate people who have their kids ask first to pet the dogs.  We tell them to not look them in the eye or get in their face. Not that our dogs would ever hurt anyone its just a curtsey thing. There is a few other things we tell people. And you should too so that people understand how your dogs are and respect you. For us the hardest is getting people to understand when they come in to pay a little attention to Nakita then turn their back if she jumps. Dogs want a meet and greet when you come into their "home" then if they misbehave you need to take action not just me yelling.

4. Food aggression issues? http://www.dog-obedience-training-review.com/dog-food-aggression.html   <--They say it well!. I believe if you start from a puppy,put your hand in their bowl. Take chicken out of their mouth. Etc.They will understand. Help them learn right from the start that they will eat and to not be aggressive.

5. Raise family dogs not guard dogs. 

6.Guinea Pigs need more room then just a glorified litter box that some cages are. 

7. Rabbits too!  ^ Also fresh veggies help keep them healthy and build a good metabolism. Also remember rabbits can freeze. BRING THEM inside if its below 10 degrees! 

8. Do not just bring in an animal and assume it will get along with the other animals. Be mentally ready for what could go on. Our Nakita didn't like her sister at all and we had to give her back(they were older when we got her sister) and most my cats hate Timber. But we make it work.

9. Multiple water dishes. 

10. Happy animals are easier to care for animals believe it or not. Get a dogs energy out and all of a sudden your stuff is not made into chew toys. Don't confuse a dog and its training will go better. For example. Do not tell a dog no one time and then be okay with it next time. Old shoes,people tend to give them to their dogs...yet they do not want them chewing the new ones...Think about it.

11.Grooming is a must. I know a bunch of people who think bathing dogs is silly. ITS NOT! Keeps them clean,fresh and feeling better. Just like we do.

12. All animals need things to make it so they are not bored. Either our full attention or toys..etc.

Remember animals are more like us then we think. Would we want to be stuck in a house all day? Would you like itching with no relief?

Pets are forever. Finances are a big one. What happens if your pet gets diagnosed with something? Can you afford the vet,medication etc? We are the pets voices and everything they have.

 We try to be the best parents,friends so why not be a awesome pet owner too!

 
?Raven?

Tea and a scarf

 Good Morning. 
I am sitting here with my hot tea and a scarf. I can barely hear. My face hurts. Its raining and frankly I am over this whole thing.

It sometimes is really hard to be thankful when things are in the negative. Its like a bank account how do you be positive when you are in the negative.

I have put off going to the drs. And I  will tell you why.


When I was 13-14, I had Whooping cough. A doctor misdiagnosed me so I was being treated for Bronchitis and Asthma. Tons of inhalers yet no medication. I had it over a month and lost 17lbs...I was a small pre teen so that number was large.
The inhalers damaged my lungs. Whooping cough damaged my lungs. My breathing sucks. And I am always afraid of being diagnosed with something I do not have.

Second. I was in the ER when I was about 17ish? No 16ish. I had cut. Yes past thing. We do not need to step into that whirl wind of background. The dr who was more worried about me mentally which is not his job he was not a psychologist that he didn't notice until the third stitch that the nurse never came in to give me numbing stuff. He asked me then if I could feel the stitches and I nodded. The look on his face was priceless. Am I wrong here? Should he have not asked me FIRST before entering the first stitch if I had got what ever that stuff is called to numb that area? FYI I did meet with a specialist that same night who sent me on my way because she understood my mind set was half normal. Thank ya.

Third reason I went to the ER last year with pain like you would not believe. x50 times worse then child birth, which I have done twice. I had bruising. BAD bruising. Open wounds that I had no idea where they came from. They pretty much said "I don't know" and told me to see a "regular" doctor. Um Regular? Then what the mushrooms are the Dr's here? Irregular? 
So I did and thankfully he knew somewhat what he was doing and sent me to a dermatologist who DID know what she was doing and looked at me and said "How did you tolerate this pain for so long?" My answer was clear "I didn't want to seem like a wimp" She looked at me rolled her eyes and told me the best thing ever. "No such thing. We are all made differently for different reasons. You should have gone in the 3rd or 4th bruise ago" Oops.

But really I don't mind Drs. Its the waiting. My anxiety does not do well with waiting. Walking in to people watching you from the waiting room. Not to mention all the germs!

So anyway, I go Wed for an appointment. =/ I have two ears that ache off and on. Can barely sleep on them. One that is so blocked it has put my hearing to a 65% range. Hopefully its nothing too serious.

I am sitting here on this dark and dreary day. With a head cold. Feeling like poo. Got almost nothing done. I have to head out two more times today. My anxiety is through the roof.
And I couldn't figure out how to be positive but then...

I am sick so I am alive.
I have to go out which means I have a car.
I have to go out to get my kids from school...so I have kids who are getting a good education.
Nothing is getting done but that means I am relaxing so I won't be so blah for when my kids come home.
Its raining but not snowing. I do not have to shovel rain.
Its raining so that means the temps are not that low.
I can hear the rain outside not in..so I have a sturdy roof over my head.
My house is messy because we all ate.

I think right there I have a lot to be positive about.  I saw something similar on Facebook the other day. I loved it. I wish more people would look at life this way.

Happy Monday all.
?Raven?

Being a divorced Mom...

Being a divorced mom is so much more then just getting over it and moving on.

Let me give you a back ground view here.

I almost didn't show up for my wedding on Oct,27th 2007. I can not remember if it was my sister or my niece that said "Are you about ready?" and I almost said "No, Can you go tell them its off" and instead of I muttered something or another and out the door we went. I love my dad more then anything but I am pretty sure I got married just to make him half way happy even though he never cared for my ex. First year was not that bad. 2nd year I was over him and the marriage.
Worst part is I never let anyone know. To them I probably made them pull their hair out because I actually acted like I was some what on his side. When secretly I had other plans. Now I had my kids back to back so right after having my amazing daughter is when I decided I was done.
Why I didn't tell my family. Why I let them get SO angry with me, I have no idea. 3rd year went by with lots of break ups and him leaving, 4th year was nothing but a we are staying because we both can not afford to handle what mess we got ourselves into type situation. Never saw the 5th.Not as a couple anyway. We acknowledged it but both were long gone from a relationship. At this point I met my now boyfriend,Rich.

Everyone tried to warn me about Rich haha. As you might know we are 16yrs apart. He is divorced as well. But him and I work together like Chips and dip.  I can't stand his procrasination but other then that hes amazing. And I am sure he can not stand my mood swings. I'm English and Scottish what can I say?

But no matter how wonderful my relationship is now..I struggle every day to not regret the time with my ex. I feel stupid.  I screwed up showing people I can be mature by lying to my family. I have to keep my mind under control when it comes to this topic.

I have to put that all aside though and remember I am still a mom. And thats where..being a divorced mom is harder then it looks.

I have to remember to NEVER bad mouth my ex in front of the kids and that rule applies for everyone. So far I have an amazing group of people in my life who do that for me,negative comments are made directly to me with the kids not knowing. 

I had to make a decision on how I wanted to bring Rich into their lives. Thankfully he understood my views. He is not dad. He is Rich. I see so many people who every boyfriend is dad to their kids and frankly that  bothers me.

It stuns me to see how parents act right in front of their kids or how they talk to them about the other parent.  Its one thing to want to be honest to your kids about the other. But to down right try to pin them against the other parent by bringing up the marriage or what went on. 

Example I know an ex wife who has no problem telling her preteen that her dad was sleeping with (enter names of woman). Shes angry. Who wouldn't be. But you do not speak that way. You keep that to yourself.

Being divorced means you have to work together with someone you probably dislike. In my case I hate. I can not be a team with him. I can not call him up and ask him to take my son because his attitude is out of control. Why? My ex husband lives in a hotel with his pregnant girlfriend and carries around a 9in knife on his belt.  Not what I want my kids thinking is okay.
I can not ask him for things because currently for the umpteenth time he is jobless. Not the economy this is all his fault.

I have to be civil. I really shouldn't have to be. I do not have a good dad for my kids,he is a drug addict,excuse making,weapon wearing,disgusting pervert of a man.  

If your ex is a good parent then all the anger from the relationship and everything else should be wiped clean. That is so much easier said then done. Wow. But it helps. Trust me it helps. I do not think about anyting from my marriage 98% of the time. No matter what you need to do to cleanse your self of the anger and hostility. Do it. Its worth it to your kids to understand we can not take the easy way out. That we can not choose anger over burying the past. That sometimes we have to deal with things even though we want to hide.

Stand in my shoes.(Not that its a horrible place to be) I have watched a man disintegrate into a worthless human. Harsh. It is. True though. I have watched him take money from his single mom. I have watched him NEVER call to ask about the kids. I have seen him struggle beyond belief because of his actions. I have seen him say he has no food but smoke weed. And I still act civil in front of my kids. I remember what I want my kids to be like. I remember how I want them to act when they are older. I don't want them to hate life because someone might have ruined it for a short period. I do not want them to think not working is okay. Or carrying a knife is sensible.  And so much more. 
I am thankful enough to know that Rich can not replace their dad in their eyes but one day they will understand why I left their dad. They will realize just how amazing and important Rich is. They will pick up on his hard work. His calm attitude. How he treats woman. All things I want taught to my kids. 
I trust my kids. I trust they will think reasonable when the time comes. More of us need to trust that. Let our kids write their own book. Let them decide. We might not agree but time will do what we can not. That bad people tend to burn their bridges and open peoples eyes all on their own.

Bashing a great parent for what they did or did not do is not okay. Ruining someones image as a parent is not okay. One of worst kind of parent is the ones who tell their kids lies to get them on their side of the playing field against the other parent.  We are still a team even if we don't try after a divorce. We can not put things into our kids heads. We have to make sure the truth is being told by all. Kids.Family.The ex. Etc.

Our past and the chapters it holds need to be closed so we can concentrate on raising kids.We need to make it as smooth going as we can.

I try. Harder when you have a dead beat you are trying to work with. Count your blessings.
Being a divorcee is not the worst thing.
In the beginning I felt refreshed & happy. Now because he has caused so much stress on myself and my kids I am back to being angry. I need to step out of the game for a bit and re group. I have the right to be angry but there is things I can do to make this whole thing easier for everyone. Well not easier unless he is 7 states away from me but smoother maybe. I work alone. I am the better parent,he is not. 
Thankfully I have a great support team. I think maturely. I think before I react when it comes to my ex.

Now I am going to go deal with a smashed window,laundry,ear ache,animals,lunch and all that mom stuff. I do it alone until 5pm then Rich is right by my side. He is not dad but he is my team mate. 
I am a divorced Mom of two and I am more happy now then ever. My kids are better now then ever. Taken care of.

?Raven?

Find me else where.

I am a huge Pinterest fan!
I am always finding stuff on there. Great place to share a lot.

http://www.pinterest.com/thisisjustafaze/


Like Boxer dogs?
You can follow my Boxer on Instagram! 
Timberthelittleboxer <---Look him up!

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Snow DAY! So that means I am sharing some Crock pot recipes!

I frankly would die without my crock pot and even recipes that do not call for a crock pot...I use a crock pot. I have come up with many ideas and will share those with you. Well some of them. =)

One thing I have learned from cooking: Keep an open mind. Change a recipe just a bit to make it more like something you and your family would like. Instead of just ignoring the recipe because of one or even two ingredients. Ex. Call for mushroom soup and you all hate it. Add cream of chicken. Add Cream of broccoli. What ever might fit. 
Out of eggs,use applesauce or smashed bananas.
 I have a million tricks. I will share with you on another day. Now to the recipes.

 
My potato soup/chowder

6-7 medium potatoes peeled and cut up into bite size chunks.
1 carton of half and half-the taller one. 
Green onion-As much as you think fit.
2 cups Milk
3 cups cheddar cheese/shredded.
Pepper
Salt (You will want quite a bit to keep it from being tasteless)
Garlic powder (A pinch or two)

Throw it all in the crock pot. Stir. Let cook on low for 6-7 hrs. High for 2-4hrs. Really depends on your potatoes and how big you chunk them.


Cheddar Ranch Chicken.

I slice my chicken breast so they are not so thick plus I get more out of a package.
4-6 chicken breast 
1 envelope of Ranch dressing
2 cans Cheddar cheese soup
1 Tsp salt
1/2 Tsp pepper

Mix everything but the chicken so its stirred good then place chicken in crock pot and cover it with the mix as much as you can. Cook on low 6-7 hrs or low 2-4 hrs.

**Remember cooking on high for 2 hrs then on low speeds things up a little***


This is NOT my recipe. This is from Kraftrecipes.com

 Cheeseburger Meatloaf

What You Need

2 lb.  ground beef

1 pkg.  (6 oz.) STOVE TOP Stuffing Mix for Chicken((I use 3/4 cup oats))

1/2 cup  water

2 eggs, beaten ((I use 1/2 cup of applesauce instead))

1 (small)onion, chopped

1/2 cup  ketchup

1/4 cup  yellow mustard

4 KRAFT Singles

Make It

MIX all ingredients except Singles just until blended. Fold 2 (30-inch-long) pieces of foil lengthwise in half twice. Crisscross pieces on work surface. Top with meat mixture; shape into 8-inch round loaf.
USE foil handles to gently lower meatloaf into slow cooker, letting ends of foil hang over top edge of cooker; cover with lid.
COOK on HIGH 4 hours or until meatloaf is done (160ºF). Top with Singles. Let stand, covered, 5 min. or until Singles are melted. Use foil handles to remove meatloaf from slow cooker before slicing to serve.

  
NOTE: I just place the cheese on the meat loaf. No fancy work. I do not do the foil thing. I make into a loaf using either my loaf pan or just my hands in the crock pot. I might not be able to take the whole loaf out of the crock pot but I can slice it just fine and serve that way.



 

Why I just realized I am an awful person!

Let me set the scene for you..

I was standing in the kitchen watching traffic out my kitchen window. I had a mile long to do list. Rich was sitting on the couch enjoying his coffee and fixing one of my kids windows.

I started to realize the reason I was standing there doing nothing was because I was WAITING for Rich to put a garbage bag in the garbage.

Yes you read that right. He has just taken the garbage bag out and I had already started a pile of garbage. I was literally going to wait for him to put a bag in the can before continuing on with my to do list.

Have you done this? "I'll sit here and watch TV until someone takes the garbage out" or something along those lines?

Thank goodness I had a coming back to earth moment and put the dang bag in myself. Got my to do list done and had a lovely afternoon.

But why would I think that way? Why would I assume I could not do it myself? What on earth was I even thinking. Acting spoiled. Acting like it was a hard job? Maybe it was because I've been sick and I couldn't reach down and get a bag from under the sink? Really!?!?

I think as humans we do this a lot. Things we can do alone and probably have we starting leaning on other people. What happens if I was single. Would a bag never go back into that can? We rely to much on people and the times we do not are when we simply can't. How about we do things for ourselves? 

 That is a goal for this year. What I can do myself I will. No more being silly and letting the recyclable add up because no one takes it out. No more waiting for someone to brush our long haired cat,Oscar.  Team work. Team work. It will be happening more and more in this house.

If you see something that needs to be done,do it. 
My kids will learn this too. They need to be grateful for the room they have. Which means picking it up when asked. Instead of stepping on the mittens that were thrown down a few hrs ago they can pick them up.  Instead of telling me the animals need food they can get it for them.  Hopefully we can get back into the right mind set.

No more leaning. Yes I do not do it often but that one time I did was enough for me. That garbage bag is in the trash can and my mind is right where it needs to be thanks to it. TEAM WORK!!!

?Raven?